When another person causes us pain, it can be difficult to forgive and let go of the offense. Fleshly human nature tends to replay the offending incident (rumination). Feelings of anger, bitterness, and resentment come up along with hurtful memories set on repeat and may even intensify over time. We long for justice and might even hope for revenge. . . surely, we are entitled to some sort of payback! All of this feels right. However, God wants us to respond much differently when we are wounded. Let’s look at some very compelling reasons why we must forgive.
Forgiveness is obedience
The first and most important reason to forgive is God requires us to forgive others as He has forgiven us. It’s a command, not merely a request, so unforgiveness is quite simply disobedience. We are to follow God’s commands out of our love and respect for Him, just as Jesus obeyed the Father. He modeled this perfectly for us and set the standard.
“‘For I came down from heaven, not to do mine own will, but the will of him that sent me.’”
John 6:38, KJV
“’My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work.’”
John 4:34, NIV
Jesus had much to say on forgiveness according to God’s will
In teaching the disciples how to pray in Matthew 6:12, He directed, “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” He goes on to explain why this was included in the Lord’s prayer:
“‘For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.'”
Matthew 6:14-15, NIV
In yet another teaching, He reiterated:
“‘And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.’”
Mark 11:25, NIV
Jesus was very clear in His teaching on forgiveness. He commanded us to forgive because it is God’s will. If we do not, God will not forgive us. God is always ready and willing to forgive us and does so instantly when we repent for our sins against Him. He expects us to do the same for others. To willfully fail in this is to disobey God, with terrible potential consequences.
Jesus taught unlimited forgiveness
In Matthew 18, Peter asked Jesus how often we are required to forgive, tossing out a guess of seven times. It was common practice then to forgive three times, so seven seemed very generous to Peter.
“But Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'”
Matthew 18:22, NIV
The point was not the exact numerical value; He meant we are to forgive as many times as necessary. There is no set number.
He used parables and repetition to emphasize His point
Jesus then elaborated with a parable about an unforgiving servant. (Matthew 18:23-35) The servant was brought before the king for a massive debt he owed and had not paid. When the king rightfully ordered him to be punished, the servant begged for more time to pay his debt. The merciful king pitied him, cancelling all that he owed and releasing him from punishment.
The servant went on his way, only to violently demand payment for a much smaller debt from a fellow servant, rejecting his pleas for more time to pay. He did not offer mercy or pardon the debt owed as the king had so graciously done for him, but instead had the man thrown into prison. The king was not pleased when he heard of this:
“‘Then the master called the servant in. “You wicked servant,” he said, “I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.'”
Matthew 18:32-34, NIV
In the story, the merciful king represents God, while the servant epitomizes any one of us brought before Him for judgment. Jesus followed up the parable with a serious warning we each must take to heart:
“‘This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.’”
Matthew 18:35, NIV
Forgive out of love for others
Jesus gave us two great commandments. The first is to love God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. The second is to love your neighbors as yourself. (Matthew 22:37-39)
If we love others as ourselves, then we forgive them. We do not hold their offenses against them. As we want others to pardon us for wrongs we have committed, we must do likewise. And when done in compassion and as an act of love, forgiveness becomes less of a chore and something we want to do to bless others.
In 1 Peter 4:8, we are told to love each other deeply, as love covers, or forgives, a multitude of sins. This shows love is the fuel of forgiveness and what brings it about in our relationships.
Handle offenses with grace and love
We can simply overlook and forgive small offenses as we give grace to those we love, leaving our relationships intact. We are human, so will make mistakes in our interactions with each other from time to time. Perhaps the one offended perceives something in the wrong way, or the offender might speak insensitively without thinking. However the offense occurs, love will prompt us to forgive.
More grievous injuries require more than overlooking sins in loving forgiveness. These are the types of offenses that cause deep hurt and can break trust, bringing real harm to the person, and damaging the relationship. We can find guidance based on God’s method of forgiveness, which is a process involving a ready attitude of forgiveness along with repentance and reconciliation. Love and compassion towards others, including those who have harmed us, will serve us well in such circumstances. Love and compassion moved Jesus to forgive even those who were crucifying Him on the cross. (Luke 23:24) His great love for us all caused Him to go to the cross in the first place.
Relationship is important to God
Jesus’ loving sacrifice on the cross, which made it possible for us to reconcile with God, proved this. It is also reflected in the two great commandments. The goal of forgiveness is reconciliation or restoration of relationship. It is this way between God and us; so it must be between us and others.
The offer of forgiveness must always be freely given and on the table, ready to be picked up and received by the one needing it. As forgiveness is a gift from God to us, so it must also be a gift we extend to others out of love. The ultimate result is restoration of the relationship. A continued or fully restored relationship may not always be possible, depending upon the nature of the offense and if there are natural consequences or safety issues. However, we must do as much as is possible towards the purpose of that goal.
Be encouraged!
God knows it can feel hard to forgive. Yet He still requires it of us because He does everything for our good. He also equips us. We have Jesus as a model to follow in obedience and forgiveness, plus we have instruction in the Word of God. The presence of the Holy Spirit within enables us to forgive. Facts preside over feelings in this matter, so we must choose to trust Him and do His will, regardless of how it feels in the moment.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
Colossians 3:12-14, NIV